i know how it feels [darkthorn]

[Darkthorn]

Darkthorn

Just to see you smile
I'd do anything That you wanted me to
And all is said and done

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He nodded slowly as she spoke, letting her words sink in. Perhaps she has just lied over and over and over again. His heart ached at the thought, but he made a decision then not to treat her any differently. At least not until he knew the truth. He bent down and took another small bite from the fish before pushing it toward his daughter. He chewed pensively as she told him things about herself. He smiled at her quip about all Riverclanner's liking fish. That was mostly true. He flicked his tail tip and smiled at her. His eyes shimmering in the moonlight with love and contentment. He couldn't ask for anything else in the whole world, except for this moment. Spending an evening with his daughter. He saw her yawn and looked to the sky. The moon had climbed to the center of the pitch black night and he suddenly felt guilty for keeping her out so long. She still had training to do. He opened his mouth o bring the meeting to a close when she asked him about himself. He closed his mouth and thought for a moment. it wasn't often that he talked about himself and he needed to make sure his answers were honest, he didn't want to just tell her what she wanted to hear.

"Well I am not your average Riverclanner, though I wouldn't call that exciting." He said and smiled lightly moving his toes under his chest to keep the blood flowing. "I actually like voles best." As he spoke he studied her, and for the first time noticed that she had many of his features. They had a similar face and body structure. Their fur though different in color was a similar length and thickness. This thought comforted him, and he relaxed into the knowledge that at least she and Blackpaw were his kits. "I like hunting at twilight or dawn best, as it's quiet and hides me best. I do have a favorite place to hunt. I'd show it to you now, if it wasn't so late." He said and glanced at the sky. "We should be getting back to camp soon though. I know I'm tired and you have training tomorrow. I'm sure Stagshadow will be displeased if you are not bright and perky for the dawn patrol. " He said brushing his tail across the dew-covered ground and standing to his paws.

His legs protested and he stretched them all in turn realizing for the first time that they had been talking for quite some time. He smiled at the thought and shook his body letting the dew fling from his tail and belly. He'd dry that when he got back to camp, before he went and checked on his kits of course...or Howlingsong's kits. As the case may be. He shook the thought from his head and forced the dark images from his mind. He looked at Starlingpaw and smiled. He was so glad he'd finally made ammends with her. Now he needed to speak with Blackpaw. The young black tom needed to know his father wasn't as bad as he thought. He imaginied that he and Blackpaw were actually very similar, perhaps that's why no one had seen him in a few days. He shook the thoguths from his head right now was about Starlingpaw. "So ready to head back to camp?" he asked again. Though he was sad for this night to end, he knew it was just the beginning of their relationship and that excited him.

I'd never count the cost
It's worth all that's lost
Just to see you smile

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(Lyrics Credit to "Just to See You Smile" by Tim McGraw)

Ooc:I figure she can ask to go see his favorite hunting place, and they can find Blackpaw there OR they can just head back and find him on the way. Your choice. =)

[starlingpaw.]

It was growing cold in the late leaf-fall winds. Starlingpaw tucked in her delicate black paws and fluffed up her fur to try to make herself warm. Even though she still had that kit-like softness, her body still was freezing like ice. Her blue eyes were just as cold, but somehow, deep down, there was a flash of warmth. Almost like a star trying to be bright again after it's near-death experience. She had made amends with Darkthorn, and that was all that mattered to her at that moment. And speaking with her brother, of course. She hadn't talked to him in such a long time that there was a longing, aching hole in the middle of her heart. Starlingpaw loved her brother very much. He'd been the only cat there for her when she needed them the most. Don't think about that... especially since Darkthorn is still here... he might see your pain. But somehow they had connected and were now just closer than siblings and denmates. She didn't know what that would be are what it would be called, but they were closer than two fish in a stream.

"Yes, voles are pretty good, too," she meowed carefully. But she wasn't much for liking ThunderClan-based food. They usually ate anything that liked trees, and voles were one of those animals. ThunderClan cats were mouse-brained tree-lovers, sticking close to the shade because they were wimps. Is that all they love? she wondered. It showed through their battle strategy, or so she'd heard from the elders. But Darkthorn had told her not to listen to them because they were really just gossiping good-for-nothings. Anyway, she would take a fish over a vole any day. She couldn't get over that stringy taste when she bit into one. Then again, she'd only tried a vole once before. "Maybe you could show me it tomorrow after training," she meowed with a quiet yawn and a flick of her tail. This is my first dawn patrol. Excitement fizzed in her veins, drowning out her fatigue.

The moon had drifted westward from the last time she looked up at it. It was just a bit past moonhigh. If she'd gone to the Gathering, then the cats would probably be in their way home from the island. Starlingpaw wondered how her first Gathering would go, and when Crimsonstar announced that she and Blackpaw had become apprentices. It had nearly been a moon since they'd been one, she remembered happily. The night dew made her night-dark pelt glisten like the stars, speckling her pelt with white. It was all over the long grass, too, floating and shining brilliantly. For a moment she stared off at the dewdrops, then concentrated on her father once again. He seemed ready to go back to camp, and that was then she was reminded of her tiredness. She yawned once again and stood up on her paws. "Yep, I'm ready to go," she meowed happily. This night couldn't get any better. Nothing can go wrong right now. I've made up with Darkthorn and next I have to apologize with Blackpaw. Then a little voice nagged at her, asking if she was one hundred percent right.

[Darkthorn]

Darkthorn

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Baby, why'd you leave me, why'd you have to go

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His paws felt numb as they stood talking in the cold leaf-bare air. He wiggled his toes trying to warm them up as she made her decision. He nodded slowly and flicked his ears. "Good choice, it feels as though leaf-bare is upon us at last." He said glancing at the crisp clear sky above him. The stars shown like rays of sun through a sticky black haze. He shook his head and rolled his shoulders back stretching his muscles which had seemed to freeze to his bones and groaned against his desire to move them. He flicked his ears and lashed his tail. He turned toward camp tossing his head in a gesture that invited her to walk with him. He fell into step with his daughter and they padded off together. The wind blew toward them from the direction of the camp, forcing Darkthorns gray-splashed fur to lay flat against his body. Slicked back like he was swimming through the river. The cold wind froze his nose and ears, and he flattened them back against his head trying to let them gather heat from his skull.

As they walked toward camp silence echoing between them through the frozen wind, He flicked his tail nudging Starlingpaw. A scent had caught his nose and excitement pulsed through him. "Blackpaw." He said through the wind throwing his head forward toward where the scent originated from. He paused and looked at Starlingpaw. "Perhaps you should go ahead and speak with him first." He said his eyes flashing with concern. He'd had luck with Starlingpaw. Starclan had blessed their conversation, but could he expect the same thing from Blackpaw. He wanted a relationship with his son, he wanted to fix things, to show him he wasn't as bad as Howlingsong had made him out to be. He flicked his ears forward and then back against in the cold wind. He turned and glanced back at the horseplace. The wind was picking up and it pressed the fur around his head the wrong way giving him the look of a small oddly colored lion. He smiled at the thought and turned back toward camp the fur laying flat again. The scent was getting stronger, either from the wind carrying it closer or Blackpaw coming toward them, unknowingly.

I was counting on forever, now I'll never know
I cant even breathe

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[starlingpaw.]

As Starlingpaw and her father padded forward, she felt a huge gust of wind coming from the Horseplace. She had to fiercely dig her claws into the ground to keep from getting blown over. Her fur was flying in all directions due to the furious breeze, making her look like a huge black puff ball with bright blue eyes. She had trouble keeping up with Darkthorn, always a couple paw steps behind him. But somehow she managed to get up to him and they walked together shoulder-to-shoulder. For the first time ever that happened. She pinned her ears back onto her skull so that no wind would get down in them. Since she had her father to guide her, she closed her eyes and focused on just walking, leaning up against his side for support. Clouds now covered the sky, huge and dark like storm clouds. The stars and moon were stolen by them, so the black apprentice could no longer see StarClan. It worried her, and she began to wonder if something bad would happen in the night. She turned her attention back to Darkthorn when she smelled something new. It was her brother, Blackpaw.

She meowed loudly against the wind, "Sure! I'll go right on ahead!" Her paw pads were beginning to numb a bit from the frosted ground, but she completely ignored the pain as she bolted ahead of her dad. Something was wrong. She'd never scented that aroma before, and it smelled saltier and saltier as she got closer. The stench was disgusting - almost like going up and liking a Twoleg. She wrinkled her nose, then cast a glance back toward Darkthorn. He was farther behind her, and she wondered how she traveled that fast in such a little amount of time. When she approached her brother, he was laying on the ground like he was sleeping. The wind whipped at his dark fur like it ate at her. "Blackpaw, what are you doing out here napping? We need to get back to camp!" she yowled. She thought that the entire world could hear her say that. But her brother didn't move a muscle and acted like he didn't hear her. She got closer to him and shook him. He just flopped around like a wriggling fish. Then she saw the other side of him. B-Blood!

A scream hit the air like thunder, echoing all around her. She couldn't stop screaming, couldn't stop shaking, couldn't stop gasping for breath. The world itself turned upside down. Starlingpaw felt like the ground would rush up to meet her all of the sudden, but she stayed rigidly still, eyes rounder than the full moon. But then she was unfrozen and leaped up, rapidly shaking Blackpaw. "Wake up! Wake up, stop pretending, stop, stop, stop, stop!"

[/i] she yowled to him, shaking him madly once again. The entire place was shifting like she was in the middle of an earthquake. Her brother's deep, muddy brown eyes were open wide her own, staring off into space with shock. But they were grayer, duller than usual. And his neck... his neck was ripped open and caked with dried blood. But he was still warm, like recently killed prey. She felt her lungs grasp for air, so she took a short breath. Then she felt herself yowl to the dark sky and felt her cold eyes water. Starlingpaw laid down next to him, not caring that her belly was getting smeared into his blood. She licked his cheek hopefully. Maybe he would wake up. Maybe he would stop pretending, she would laugh but scold him, tell him that Darkthorn was good, then they could all go home. And be a family.

But that wouldn't happen. Blackpaw was dead.[/size][/blockquote]

[Darkthorn]

Darkthorn

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It's like I'm lookin' from a distance standin' in the background
Everybody's sayin', he's not coming home now

His warm gaze followed his daughter as she moved forward against the freezing wind. She was about three tail lengths ahead and she turned and looked at him. At that moment a scent hit him that was so terrifying, so devestating his heart sank. He smelled blood, death, and fear all wrapped up in one devestating gust. In aheartbeat he was on his paws and racing forward his strong riverclan frame pushing him forward and propelling him through the wind. He felt like it was holding him back. He was running as hard as he could but he felt like he wasn't moving. His heart raced and then he heard the most awful sound. Starlingpaw let forth a scream that shattered his heart. He broke thorugh whatever was holding him back and raced to her side. She shook her brother, asking him to awake but Darkthorn knew it was fruitless. He could smell the blood, the fear. He could smell the grief that washed over his daughter and then over him in waves crashing and threatening to force him to collapse. He mvoed forward as if in a dream, his eyes glazed with anguish, and regret. You waited to long...he died hating you...you'll never be able to change that. The voice in his head echoed around drawing him deeper into his despair.

He took a slow step forward and came to his daughters side. He placed his tail gently on her side and closed his eyes gritting his teeth trying to force back the tears. They held behind his eyes burning and demanding release. He closed his eyes and they sank from his eye lids down his cheeks and around his chin dropping onto the bloodstained earth. He sank to his chest, his white fur turning red with the blood of his son. His paws were soaked in his sons life and he hated himself for it. He was closerto Blackpaw now than he ever had been in life. He reached his head out and touched his nose to his son's flank feeling the warmth beginning to ebb from him. his tears soaked Blackpaw's fur, and He shook his head. He spoke softly into his sons fur not caring if Starlingpaw heard or not. "I'm sorry Blackpaw...I'm sorry...I'm so sorry." He sobbed his eyes closed and his face pressed against his son's flank trying to gather the last bit of his scent and warmth. Wishing that he would take a breath, forgive him and they would all walk back to camp. But he knew that wouldn't happen.

He didn't know how long he lay there, sobbing into his sons fur, but when he looked up he he noticed his eyes were open and staring. He'd seen enough vigils to know that this wasn't the way for a warrior to meet starclan. He moved around his daughter his paw steps heavy like rocks in the river and looked down into his sons brown eyes. "May Starclan welcome you as a warrior" He murmured and reached forward with a paw brushing it down his sons face, his pad brushing against his eyelids and bringing them closed. They needed to get him back to camp, before this storm hit. he looked to the sky and saw the first flakes of snow begin to drift to the ground. One landed on his nose and he brushed it away not wanting the clean look of snow to disturb the injustice that was his son's death. He took a deep breath and lodged the scents into his memory. he wanted to always remember the scents here this moment. "If I find who did this...I'll tear their throat out." HE vowed his eyes flashing in rage and revenge before returning to grief once more. "We need to get him back to camp." he murmured nudging Starlingpaw and grabbing Blackpaw by the scruff intending to drag him back to camp.

This can't be happening to me
This is just a dream

(Lyrics Credit to "Just a Dream" by Carrie Underwood)

[starlingpaw.]

No! She bent her head down to groom her brother's sweet, sweet face. I didn't even get to say I'm sorry! I've been ignoring him the entire moon and... he'll never know how much I really did love him... Starlingpaw's thoughts were frantic because this was her brother! She shook herself, feeling the ground shift beneath her black paws again. Blue eyes widened, longing for the days when she had a father that loved her, a mother that cared for her and not for her next litter, and a brother that played with her every day and wasn't... dead. Those days never happened, and now they would never come true. "Whoever did this will pay with their life." Her voice was threatening but very small and hoarse. Tears rolled down her cheeks, teeth clenched in fear for howling to the stormy skies. She curled up closer to Blackpaw, rolling around in the sticky crimson liquid coming from his opened throat. "Brother, I will avenge your death. I promise." I'm sorry that I never got to apologize to you... I hope these words reach to you in StarClan. I love you Blackpaw. She gave his ear one last swipe and looked down at his killing wound. Whoever did that had known what they were doing. They had wanted the kill to be quick but painful. And it looked like they succeeded. "D-Do you think that whoever did this wanted us to find his body?" she asked, remembering that his body had been warm and that the blood still was. What kind of monster would do this? Had it been a cat?

Duskmist will be able to tell. She was the medicine cat. She had to know what had killed her brother. Starlingpaw heard her father speak, but didn't really 'hear' him. Blue eyes just watched as he grabbed Blackpaw by the scruff, as if he was just going to walk away with the carcass. She opened her mouth, ready to argue. Where was he going with her brother? She growled lightly, very quietly so that maybe he couldn't even hear her. As the wind blew heavily, she wondered if Darkthorn had heard her warning. She wanted to carry her brother, but as she looked at his shriveled body she wondered if she would have the strength. Blackpaw was much bigger and heavier than her, even with all of his body and guts spilled out. She shivered again, and took a hesitant step back. Her father didn't make the effort to take care of Blackpaw in the past, so why was he doing it now? She made it obvious what she was thinking. Suddenly her eyes were lit with hatred and fear, and her pelt bristled angrily. But she stayed in her place firmly, not wanting her eyes to look away from the horrid sight of her brother's death.

[Darkthorn]

Darkthorn

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Now that it's over, I just wanna hold her
I'd give up all the world to see
That little piece of Heaven looking back at me

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His sea green eyes, clouded with grief were barly open, holding back tears that wouldn't stop flowing from his eyes. He was lost in thought his nose stuck in his sons fur taking in his fading scent. He clung to that scent not wanting to forget it, not wanting to lose it. It felt like his only link to reality, He dug his claws into the ground and pulled backward toward camp, but his mind was on all the moments he'd missed with his son. His apprentice ceremony, his first time out in camp, when his eyes opened. He hadn't been there, he hadn't been around. I'm so sorry Blackpaw. I'm sorry. his eyes flodded again and the tears, burning the well worn paths now from his eyes down his nose, found their way into his sons neck fur. If I'd been there since birth...would he be dead now? Would he have come out here alone? He blamed himself, his heart breaking into pieces. Shattered at the thought that he'd never have that second chance with Blackpaw. Not until he saw him in Starclan. For a moment he thougth about throwing himself into the river, drowning and following his son to Starclan. But then Starlingpaw spoke, her words bringing him back to reality like a hard kick in the gut. He couldn't leave her, not after they'd just reconnected.

Her words flashed in his mind and he paused releasing his son and standing. had they wanted us to find him? are they waiting in the shadows? His pelt stood on end and his eyes were suddenly clear. He looked around his eyes wide and fearful, his tail lashing back and forth worriedly. The small growl that sounded from Starlingpaw startled him and he turned to her immediately. Her eyes were flashing with the anger and hatred he'd seen earlier that very night, and for moons before. His heart seemed to skip a beat and for a moment, no a heartbeat the thought crossed his mind that she'd lured him hear to kill him, that Blackpaw would jump up and the two would attack him. He shook the thought form his head and confused look spread across his face. He looked at his son and then back to his daughter. he repeated this motion a once more before something clicked in his head, She's not ready yet. Not ready to carry him back to camp. He mentally clawed his own ears for not thinking that sooner. Or she wanted to carry him. What right did Darkthorn have to carry his son to his final resting place. He took a step back, dropping his head in apology. "I don't know if they, whoever 'they' is, wanted us to find him. I don't know if they are waiting in the shadows, This wind is to strong for any scent to be carried to us." He glanced again at the sky and saw the snow flakes falling, a little harder now beginning to land on the ground, melting as they hit, but, he knew that as time wore on they would begin to pile up, and it would be harder for them to get Blackpaw back to camp.

He sighed and choked back tears wiping them furiously with a paw before looking at his children, who both were before him. One very much alive, and the other very much dead. He sighed and shook his head slowly. "We need to get back to camp, before who, or what comes back, and before this storm hits." He said sadly, he didn't want to go anymore than she did, but they didn't have a choice. There wasn't time to plan revenge. That needed to be done, on full stomachs, in warm dens, and with sharpened claws. He looked toward camp and then back at Starlingpaw. "I'm sorry Starlingpaw. I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to tell him how sorry I am. I didn't get a chance to know him like you did. I didn't get a chance to be the father I wanted to be, to see him grow into the warrior I know he would have been." He paused in his rambling to take a breath, his eyes flooding again with tears, but his heart pounding with fear. What if the murderers returned, he was a useless lump when it came to fighting, he was a hunter, not a fighter. He flicked his ears nervously and looked at his paws. "I'm so so sorry." He mewed hoarsely.

Now that it's over, I just wanna hold her
I've gotta live with the choices I made
And I can't live with myself today

(Lyrics Credit to "Hey Lucy" by Skillet)

[starlingpaw.]

The pain ripped through her sides like thousands of angry claws. It was overbearing; she felt like she would collapse and hit the ground at any moment. Everything was dark and cloudy... but was that just because of the approaching storm? Starlingpaw shook herself, her blue eyes wide with fear. Blackpaw is dead. She had to constantly remind herself about her brother's death, but she just couldn't shake it. The black apprentice looked over at her father, worry covering her eyes. He looked beyond angry - and from what her mother had told her when she was just a kit, Darkthorn was a lover, not a fighter. It must be killing him... he accused his own mate for cheating on him and yet he's still holding himself together. Right now he has nobody but me since... Blackpaw died. She buried her soft pink nose into the black fur beneath her paws. "Blackpaw... I hope you can hear me." She licked her brother's soft cheek fur. "D-Darkthorn is sorry, Blackpaw. He's sorry that he wasn't there for us throughout kithood... He even thinks that Howlingsong was wrong, just like us! Like we did. We made up, and now we can be a family again. If... if only you were here with us, Blackpaw. I miss you already. Just remember that Darkthorn is a good cat." She glanced down at her dead brother, anger suddenly racing through her veins.

Even though she didn't want to, she knew that they - all three - had to go back to camp. She didn't say anything, only stood up on her shaking paws and looked down at her father. Then she turned her eyes to her bloody belly, which was maroon-crimson. She tried not to focus on it. "Yes... we must go back home. With Blackpaw." She refused to leave her dead brother, no matter the cost. Starlingpaw knew that Darkthorn would have to carry him, but she would stick to his side throughout the rest of the trip. A warrior name. Every cat needs one. I think Crimsonstar would have named him Blackfur, after his black pelt. Blankly and coldly, she looked down at what was left of Blackpaw again. It seemed like she was in a dream - that when she woke up, she'd be in her den, curled up right next to him. She'd purr, then poke him in the side until he woke up. Or he'd to that to her if he awoke before her. Then they'd say goodbye and go their separate ways with their mentors. At night they would share a meal together, go to bed, and then the cycle would repeat again. Blackpaw didn't even get his warrior name or even get to go to a Gathering. "L-let's go." She looked down at the body, then to her father, as if telling him what she was thinking.

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