Dovepaw of Thunderclan

[♥ Dovepaw ♥]

names: Dovekit, Dovepaw, Dovestep
gender: Male
age: 9 moons
clan: Thunderclan
rank: Apprentice

personality: He is very peaceful and a little ethereal; you will often see him simply sitting and watching the world. He prefers to watch, rather than take part and this has lead some of his clan to believe he is untrustworthy, even to continue with his training, his clanmates often calling him 'insane/crazy' or his bully-dubbed nickname; "Maggot" However, he has a keen mind, wit, one of learning and great ability and understanding. He is very gentle and accepting and seems to understand 'the bigger picture'. He is also rather caring and tolerant of all cats, no matter their clan / age; however he would always put his clan before them.
appearance: Dovepaw is a brawny kit for his age, his broadness often makes others the suggestion he is older than 9 moons. His blocky head is often used as a battering ram during training, mini-fights with other clan cats/kits. But don't let his size make you think different. This mild behaved boy is always mistrusted as he is dubbed "insane" by other clan cats due to his father's past. Dovepaws eyes are another reason clanmates call him insane, they're an odd goldish color and tell a story no one wants to listen to.
history: His father being a Loner and his mother being a Thunderclan queen there of course was a dispute. His father was accused of kit-napping him when he was barely old enough to be out of the den, and was then tracked down and killed by a Thunderclan warrior who fell inlove with his mother and served as a surrogate father for Dovepaw his remaining time until apprenticeship. During the time away from the clan, Dovepaw was frequently attack by mobs of badgers and even carried a few miles from his father's hide-away, by an owl then dropped from a height of 10 feet which "knocked his brains loose'' and aused him to have hallucinations and a little flighty. Once he returned to Thunderclan word spread of his kit-napping and so rumors started that his father was training him to murder his mother. That's when everyone even his previous clan friends started pushing him away and his memories of his father rushed back. This caused him to develope a problem with depression and no desire to be around other clan members. Now as an apprentice he must get back used to being around the clan, will they accept him, and will he accept THEM?
sample rp: Dovepaw yawned heartily as he stretched across his moss bed he made upon return. The sun filtered through the leaves and pickers , patching his grey pelt with lighter shades of grey. He plinked softly and pushed himself to his paws, this was always a task for him; facing the day. Facing the clan, really. Dovepaw padded his way to the center of the camp and gave one final stretch and padded his way to the medicine cat's den and poked his head in.
"He-Hello? Anyone in?" His voice was rough due to his recent awakening. His pelt was in dire need of a bath so waiting for a reply he sat back on his haunches and began licking his paw.

characters: Dovepaw
c-box name: Dove

[hawkstar]

Rejected

Because of the following reason(s);

Your sample RP must be at least 250 words, yours is currently at 12o.

His father cannot be a loner, as loners are on ban, therefore he must have two clan-cat parents.

You never made mention of his "time away from the clan" until his "return" making the history very confusing, as well, how would a single mere apprentice fight off badgers, or survive their attack?

Also, in the rules it states, you character may not have a purely sob story history- this is a true case of it, as "his clan doesn't accept him" and "push him away" causing him depression.

Fix the issues, probably rewrite the history, and he will be accepted.